I hung around for a bit, got bored, and moved. It’s almost too hot in the summer here, I can’t think, I’m all water, drinking from a liter. Heat screaming from the streets. So when the night comes, I’m like, thank you, this is so lovely now. We take off our underwear and dip in the pool. Swim around in a circle forms a whirlpool, sucks us up, and massages our limbs. I pounce into a bush, which holds me like a tempur-pedic, and hang out, letting baby leaves dry me.
I’m thinking, why is it so hard for people to choose? To know. Dreams? Reality? Don’t know. The dreams must not be thinking. Maybe it’s hard to understand something you can’t see in yourself. REAL LIFE. Like an artichoke. So many layers to see beneath. But isn’t that the same with dreams? Stop thinking. Did simple ever exist? We look through. Are we always putting things on top of things?
Suddenly, I guess I was going to leave my house. The dim warmth was holding me to the couch. The feeling of smoke and musk cradling my brain as I watched the guitargrls on tv.
I pushed through the noodle hall, touching each as I passed, feeling them come off on me. Ew, but whatever. Mesh came through and held the back of my head in his hand for a second. I stroked my hand in a line down his chest, touching his shirt. Sweet.
Someone came to me and told me that I looked like Avril. But she didn’t look like anyone to me.
We drove to the hills and hiked through trees as dim became black. A bright white light hovered over the hills in the distance, and you were like, oh the TGI Friday’s in the Sky. I almost tripped on this creepy branch.
The fog was insane when we got to the top we couldn’t see out. Through the white, light beams in pairs moved towards us, blasting reggaeton. Through the fog I could see the slow S motion of her bra, snaking down into the black again. A girl dancing next to the open car door, window rolled down – I watch, no one else. We took shots of tequila and the juice in those plastic lemon containers. I danced at the edge, moving the fog with my blanket. You filmed me doing this for hours.
When we woke up we were on another hill, three miles from the hill we had fell asleep on.
Didigoo yidigoo nidagoe that GRL whodagoo sidagings thadagat sidagong? Shidige’s widagay cudagooligdager thedagan the OTHERone whodagoo sudagort ughdagof ludagooks (deadRINGER) lidagike hidager. Anaged Idigie thudagought idigit wudagus thudagee odaguthediager wudagun whudagen Idigie sudagaw hidiger pludagayidaging drudagrums, but then I was like, NO–thudagis idagis sudagomewudagun edagelse. She’s (the other one) really my type. Idagie tudagotudagalidagy widagannidaga bidige hidiger.
Idagie fidageel lidagike idagi’m somethingELSE. Nudagot midagysedagelf. Sudagomewudagun tudagold midage thidagat Idagie wudagus adagan oldSOUL. Sudagometidagimes Idagie sudagort fudageel lidagike idagi’m sidagixtidagy.